The weather had finally abandoned rain in favour of fog.
The result was less a change than a reduction in visibility.
Professor Quillibrace regarded this as an improvement.
Mr Blottisham arrived carrying a ranking table.
Miss Stray immediately recognised the symptoms.
"Benchmarking?"
"Benchmarking."
Quillibrace looked resigned.
"A crusade, then."
Blottisham sat down.
"You've heard about it?"
"My dear Blottisham, every institution eventually discovers benchmarking."
"Why?"
"Because purpose is difficult."
"And benchmarking isn't?"
"No."
Quillibrace paused.
"Benchmarking merely replaces the difficulty."
The ranking table was unfolded.
It appeared extensive.
Several pages escaped and attempted to colonise a nearby chair.
Blottisham pointed proudly.
"Look."
"No."
"We're ranked seventh."
"We?"
"The university."
Quillibrace glanced briefly at the document.
"Seventh in what?"
Blottisham consulted the table.
His confidence weakened slightly.
"Strategic Adaptive Excellence."
A pause followed.
Stray looked interested.
"What is Strategic Adaptive Excellence?"
Blottisham examined the footnotes.
Then the appendix.
Then the methodology summary.
Finally:
"It appears to be excellence."
"Adaptive excellence?"
"Strategically."
Quillibrace nodded.
"The definition grows clearer."
Blottisham ignored him.
"The important thing is that we're seventh."
"Out of how many?"
"Thirty-two."
"Excellent."
"Is it?"
"I've no idea."
Blottisham frowned.
"You always say that."
"Because it's frequently true."
The fire crackled.
The ranking table expanded slightly.
No one trusted it.
After a moment Stray spoke.
"What happened to the original purpose?"
"What original purpose?" asked Blottisham.
"The university."
"Oh."
A pause followed.
"We educate people."
"Do we?"
Blottisham looked startled.
"Of course we do."
"How do you know?"
The question hung in the air.
Blottisham pointed triumphantly at the ranking.
"We're seventh."
Quillibrace closed his eyes briefly.
"There it is."
"What?"
"The substitution."
"The what?"
Stray smiled.
"The ranking has become evidence for the thing it was originally supposed to measure."
The room became quiet.
Blottisham looked suspicious.
"You two always make everything sound sinister."
"It isn't sinister," said Quillibrace.
"It's simply fascinating."
"Why?"
"Because comparison has quietly replaced judgment."
Blottisham considered this.
Then:
"I don't see the problem."
"Of course not."
"Why not?"
"Because it is working beautifully."
The fog pressed gently against the windows.
Several Fellows appeared outside as vague philosophical propositions.
After a while Blottisham continued.
"The report says we're outperforming several institutions internationally."
"How exciting."
"It is."
"Why?"
Blottisham hesitated.
"Because it means we're better."
"Better at what?"
The hesitation deepened.
Stray looked sympathetic.
The ranking table did not.
Eventually Blottisham said:
"I think you're deliberately making this difficult."
Quillibrace looked genuinely surprised.
"My dear fellow."
"Yes?"
"The world has already done that."
The room fell quiet.
A nearby clock expressed mild concern about the passage of time.
Blottisham returned to the report.
"There are dozens of categories."
"Naturally."
"Research vitality."
"Good."
"Strategic responsiveness."
"Excellent."
"Innovation readiness."
"Wonderful."
"Transformational capacity."
"Splendid."
Blottisham looked up.
"You don't seem impressed."
"I am."
"Really?"
"Certainly."
"Why?"
Quillibrace leaned forward.
"Because no one appears capable of explaining any of them."
Stray laughed.
Blottisham threw up his hands.
"There are methodologies."
"There always are."
"They're rigorous."
"I'm sure."
"They're evidence-based."
"Undoubtedly."
Blottisham frowned.
"Why does that sound like criticism?"
"Because you've learned to recognise tone."
The fire continued its duties.
The ranking table continued its existence.
Neither required strategic enhancement.
At length Stray spoke.
"I think benchmarking has a peculiar attraction."
"What attraction?" asked Blottisham.
"It transforms uncertainty into position."
The room became attentive.
She continued.
"If I don't know whether I'm succeeding, I can still know whether I'm ahead."
Quillibrace nodded slowly.
"Very good."
Blottisham looked unconvinced.
"But surely being ahead matters."
"Sometimes."
"Often."
"Occasionally."
Blottisham sighed.
"You two would make terrible consultants."
"An accusation I've proudly carried for years."
The fog thickened.
The conversation settled.
Then, suddenly, Blottisham brightened.
"I've solved it."
"Oh dear," said Quillibrace.
"If we improve our ranking enough—"
"Yes?"
"—we'll eventually know we're excellent."
Silence followed.
Longer than usual.
Finally Stray asked:
"How?"
Blottisham blinked.
"What do you mean?"
"How does the ranking establish excellence?"
"It measures it."
"How do you know?"
"Because—"
Blottisham stopped.
The sentence failed to arrive.
Quillibrace watched with great interest.
At length Blottisham said:
"That's surprisingly difficult."
"Indeed."
The room remained quiet.
Then Quillibrace spoke.
Softly.
"One of the strangest developments in modern institutional life is that comparison has become easier than evaluation."
No one interrupted.
"People once asked whether something was good."
A pause.
"Now they ask where it sits in the table."
The fog drifted past the windows.
The ranking table rested upon the desk.
And somewhere, in a conference centre far away, an organisation was celebrating its rise from ninth to seventh in a category no one could quite define.
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