Afterlives of a Misunderstanding: Dialogue II — On Wigner’s Friend

Characters:

Professor Quillibrace

Mr Blottisham

Miss Elowen Stray

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Blottisham:

Ah! Wigner’s Friend! Now we are truly entering philosophical territory. A conscious observer inside the lab, peering at the quantum system… How delightfully dramatic!

Quillibrace:

Dramatic, yes. But also thoroughly unnecessary.

Elowen Stray:

Isn’t the point that consciousness might affect the outcome?

Blottisham:

Precisely! The mind becomes a measuring device. How thrilling.

Quillibrace:

Thrilling, but misplaced. The cut does the work, not the consciousness.

Blottisham:

But if the friend observes before Wigner, surely the outcome is different?

Quillibrace:

Not at all. The friend’s observation simply instantiates an instance relative to that cut.

Blottisham:

Relative to that cut? You’re inventing layers of reality now.

Quillibrace:

No. I’m clarifying which questions are permissible. The physics remains calm.

Elowen Stray:

So consciousness doesn’t collapse the wavefunction?

Quillibrace:

Only the assumption that it must do so.

Blottisham:

Then the friend is redundant.

Quillibrace:

Redundant for physics. Perfectly useful for dramatists and philosophers.

Blottisham:

But what about subjective experience? Surely Wigner’s Friend proves it matters?

Quillibrace:

It matters socially, narratively, and morally. Not for the system itself.

Elowen Stray:

So the trouble with Wigner’s Friend…

Quillibrace:

…is that we mistook description for influence.

Blottisham:

And blamed the universe for not consulting our imagination.

Quillibrace:

Exactly. The physics remains impeccably polite.

Blottisham:

Then I suppose I must grumble at human arrogance, rather than the theory.

Quillibrace:

An entirely reasonable misdirection.

(A pause as Blottisham considers recruiting friends to observe cats, just in case.)